Life after Death......

This year has been strange for me. My mother passed away when she was 39. I am 38.....I will be honest....I am freaked out!!! I had never thought much about how old my mother was, or I should say how young she was. I am not sure how to deal with the fact that I am moving into a new stage of my life where I will be older than my mother.  It is so unfair that this 39 is where my mothers life on this earth had to end. I have always felt ripped off. I have had to go through so many major life events without her. She was not there for my first date, my prom, not one of my graduations, my wedding day, and when I had each one of my FOUR children. NOT FAIR!!!! 


I will admit it, I have been down right angry and bitter about the whole thing. Now I am going to work on LIVING past my mothers age. I will LIVE for us both. My mother is proud of me, I know she is. I long for her voice and her hugs but I will trust in the lord. I will trust that his plan is for me is a well thought out plan and I will face it with my head held high. 

Connection....

The weather is still a bit warm but the scent of the season still seems to be in the air. I absolutely love this time of year. My kids seem to be more willing to let me snuggle them. Everywhere you go there is something pumpkin to eat or drink. And I can now really start to drive home the fact that Santa is WATCHING!!!! I have always slipped into a sort of "funk" around this time of year, I really really really miss my mom. We have birthdays and holidays and I just miss her. I start to see mothers and daughters shopping and giggling and I WANT it.I have two daughters and we shop and giggle....why do I still long to be the daughter in that? This year is different, I have reconnected with someone!!! I am anxious and nervous and excited!!! I know my mom will be HAPPY!!! Funny how things come along when you feel like there is no way.